Tag Archives: car accidents

When the fun crashes together

Currently jammin’ to: Want You More by Draper

I actually got introduced to Draper at SXSW. It’s surprising that he isn’t more well known, but he was definitely one of the best introductions that I got from SXSW this year. I’m excited to keep hearing great music from him. Half the time I wrote this post I was listening to his music.

I’ve had a thought to update this multiple times before now, and yet I kept telling myself “give yourself some time to think and then talk about it here.” But that time to think never really came, and thus a post wasn’t written either until now, a month plus later (and then some, because I totally started this post almost two weeks ago). It’s funny what you decide to make time for sometimes. I didn’t make enough time for me to even think through recent things occurring in my life, but I had time to catch up on all the Supernatural episodes out there (I watched a couple of seasons) and start White Collar again. Priorities? Or procrastination? Or maybe just avoiding the serious stuff because it’s “less fun” perhaps. That seems somewhat of a likely reason.

In the end, you still gotta face what you may or may not have wanted to face though. I’m sure I’m still holding off on thinking of some things even still, and for now I’m okay with that. But I also may want to wake up just a little bit more to what’s been going on in my life too. Maybe.

FYI, like previously mentioned, I started this post then held off finishing it for almost two weeks, so there’s some disorganization because I didn’t completely scrap what I had previously written, but just decided to add in (like an addendum) the most recent things.

the new things in life, surprise surprise

Since my last post, many things have surprisingly actually happened. The best moment so far? Getting accepted into the University of Dallas’s Masters of Science Communication Disorders program! The worst moment so far? Wrecking my car. And then there’s everything in between and after. It’s been fun, y’all.

Let’s start with getting accepted, because that actually occurred the earliest of recent events since my last post, I think. For the past two years, I’ve been trying to get into a master’s program to become a Speech Language Pathologist (SLP). This is something I was introduced to at the very end of my undergraduate days and it stuck with me ’til even now. I can really only provide a cheesy cliche type of reasoning as to why I want to become one, but in the end it’s the truest of statements. I’ve always enjoyed helping people when I can and listening to their problems to troubleshoot. It’s why I originally went down the psychology path (minus the fact that business just seemed so meh and I didn’t get into Goizuetta anyhow), to eventually become a therapist. Along the way, I discovered the field of linguistics and fell in love with that. My head is always thinking, and I’ve always desired to understand others better, even if unsuccessfully. And language, beautiful language, is argued as the main difference between us humans and other animals. Either way, communication is key to understanding another person, thus knowing how to communicate is incredibly important. With the desire to help others and the passion for language combined, becoming an SLP just seemed like the most ideal job. It didn’t hurt that typical starting base salary was decent and that the job market for it was still growing and in demand. And though I didn’t try to run down that path right away, eventually (aka two years ago) I did decide it was time to truly pursue it. And so I did. And there were failures, like getting rejected from UTD twice, and there were successes, like basically making a 4.0 at UT for my prerequisites and finally being accepted by 3 out of 4 of the masters programs. It took time and dedication, but it finally happened. So starting next Fall, I will be back in Dallas and moving forward in the career I’ve hoped to have.

In addition to my acceptance, other events have transpired within my life that are very much positive. I randomly attended the end of SXSW this year and got some free swag, free food/drinks, and free shows. I met up old friends (S. Chen & Y. Yip) and gained new ones, and also finally went climbing at Austin Bouldering Project. It’s been a place I’ve been “attempting” to go to for a couple of years now, so finally experiencing it (for free) is definitely a highlight. I hope to continue climbing, maybe go some more while I’m in Austin, and even when returning back to Dallas keep up with it. Now that I’ve bought shoes for it, I’m bound to go a few more times. It’d be fun to keep doing, despite the callouses it’s bound to give me.

For a couple weeks in March to April, I was house and dog sitting for a friend who was traveling. These cute little pups were my companions and kept me on a somewhat regular schedule, surprise surprise.

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Additionally, my sister (plus one) finally came to visit me in Austin! It was her first time back in Austin in over a few years, if I recall correctly. All we did was eat and pokemon hunt, but it was a great weekend. I got to try Sway out, a Thai restaurant that was highly recommended to me, along with getting $1 oysters and some Gourdoughs. Good food and pokemon hunting is always welcomed, and often a typical sight when I’m hanging with my sister as of now.

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Additionally, I finally went on somewhat of a hike in Austin! I’ve been wanting to hike more, especially since Austin has so many available trails and places to go nearby, but I just haven’t found the people to go with. While I could hike by myself, I always considered it a potential safety issue. Plus it’s just not as fun when you’re alone.

360 bridge, hiking, bridge, austin

view of 360 bridge from our hike

And somehow, I’ve found myself living it up much more frequently than I ever would have thought. Each weekend brings a different adventure, whether it’s girls night, a music concert (Bassjackers – also a new intro for me), SXSW, St. Patty’s Day Parade, or just fun times with friends, it’s been a ride. And on this ride, sadly, came a crash.

I’ve been in accidents before, of my own cause and due to others, and I will admit that I am more prone to speeding than going below or at limit when driving, but this has been the worst by far. And still, I am incredibly thankful for 1. not being hurt minus some bruises from the air bags, and 2. not hurting anyone else. Ultimately, combine a winding/curving downhill road, wet pavement/road, close to balding tires, less than 100% mental awareness, possibly a little too much speed and a car with not the best of breaks, and you get hydroplaning into multiple spin outs and curb/trees hits. The result is a ruined back bumper, the right mirror and rear light missing, some auto body damage, deployed side airbags on both sides, and a broken left rear spring/axle of a car. The good part, besides no one getting hurt, was that I had already exited for my apartment and was somehow able to drive my car to my apartment which was about a mile away. In some incredible feat, given the state of my car (can we go back to the fact that my car’s left rear was literally sitting on my tire due to the axle being broken?) and my mental mind, I managed to reverse park my car at my apartment complex. The car itself, minus the body damage, actually runs fine since the front wasn’t damaged (aside from the right mirror). Considering how much it would cost to repair an axle/spring, replace the airbags, get a new bumper/mirror/light, and everything else though, ultimately what was likely to happen is that we sell the car for someone to scrap for parts or fix up themselves. Fortunately, my cousin has lots of car connections and a friend of his bought the car as is and towed it away to be fixed up with his own car repair connections. Of course, I still needed a car to get to work, especially given how I was commuting from my friend’s house while I still dog sit, so my dad graciously drove the car my sister’s been using (which is my brother’s old car) down to me. And now, I’m back in the white Toyota car family again.

car crash, altima coupe, crash, towing, towed

my car being towed away to be forever gone but fixed for another

Lessons learned, but really

I’m not gonna lie, I somehow handled the whole crashing my car and airbags deploying a lot better than I thought I would. I don’t know the exact reasons as to why it didn’t shake me as much as it should’ve. Maybe I’ve somehow rationalized to myself that more of the situation was out of my hands to create the perfect storm than I care to claim responsibility for. Either way, the thing I ultimately felt most upset about was the financial burden it has created upon myself and my parents. As someone who has been in school and working part-time (heavy inflection on the part) for the past year, I’ve relied heavily upon my parents for financial assistance. Now that I’m continuing to a Master’s, my financial capabilities for the next two years are going to stay pretty limited still. I am well aware of many of the financial burdens my parents currently face, both from me and due to other situations in their lives, and to know I have contributed to it in this way really riddles me with guilt and shame. Does this mean I won’t ever speed again? Sadly, probably not. I know myself well enough to not be able to make that promise. Will I be more careful about my driving? I would hope so, and I think I am already being a bit more careful. One thing that definitely was reinforced was my preference to not drive. While I am never one to shy away from meeting with friends despite a far distance (hello living in Arlington and having friends in Plano), I still prefer to catch a ride.

There is, of course, some considerations for re-evaluating my life choices right now. Recently, as previously stated, I’ve been fairly active and frequently in some sort of compromised state of mind, albeit usually nothing too crazy. Mental capacities aside, the expenditures I’ve continued to collect definitely continue to burn a hole in pants that seem close to combustion. To be fair, they could (and probably should) be a lot worse given how active I’ve been, but in the end that slow fire is becoming a blaze. It might be time to be more of a homebody. I can’t say this will definitely happen, as I already considered making plans to attend Euphoria this weekend (which I did, more on that later) even though two weeks ago I had no intentions of it. I still plan to be adventurous and experience new things that inherently are risky, because I still believe in living my life to the fullest and cause I like to try new things, but maybe I’ll take it a bit slower. Maybe I’ll forsake some plans with friends so that I’m more responsible to myself and to my parents. Maybe I’ll take on another job or get a new one over the summer.

Or maybe not. I really don’t know. I want to be a better person, I want to make the right choices, but I also want to enjoy my life. I don’t want to keep feeling like a black hole of burden to my parents, who have always provided me more than I can ever hope for and now seem so much older in a scary way. I want to be able to provide them with the luxury of life’s greatest comforts and sights. I want to be able to proudly know I am independently supporting myself while servicing others who are in need. I want to make my own ice cream and eat it too (because I don’t really like cake, and it’s more fun when you do it yourself than buy it from someone else). And so the selfish side battles the responsible side, both of which win different battles and create who I am. Is it your actions that are important or your intentions? I think both: intentions only go so far, but actions made of the wrong intentions can still be just as harmful.

These thoughts these days

To no surprise, I’ve been thinking a lot like always. Or really, I should say I have had a lot of various thoughts come to mind. But actual thinking time has been a bit more minimal than it probably should. I actually wrote a couple of paragraphs on one of these thoughts already but decided to delete them and not bring them back up. It’s a debate I don’t really have interest in speculating  more about, so to bring it up in my post seems irrelevant.

I’ve recently found myself engaging in things I had previously stated were unlikely or even outright refusing to do. And yet there I was, doing what I said I wouldn’t do, and being okay with it. I don’t want to call myself a hypocrite, but ultimately it does seem quite like that in some of the situations. Granted, I’m not one to truly say never to things, but the fact that I feel like I keep eating my own words is definitely making me consider why my acceptance values or actions have changed.

Recently, I’ve found myself engaging in more casual relationships. I’ve never been against them, to be fair, but I did speculate with a friend on it not too long ago about why I’ve never had one before. The words I said then are still true, and yet still I engaged in what I said was unlikely to happen. If I were to put it in a positive light, I could say I just hadn’t found the right scenario to allow these things to occur until now.

In a separate situation, I found myself offered certain recreational drugs that I had told myself I would never try, but then found myself contemplating to try. I actually didn’t part take in said drugs, but the fact that I definitely considered it kind of shocked me. Here I was, stating with a clear mind my strong refusal to ever trying them, and then there I was, under the influence, truly considering trying them out. Again, I do know that I’ve always been open to trying things, and I was also already mentally compromised in some way, but still. It just makes me wonder how easily I might give up some of my values and choose to do the exact opposite if the right conditions are set. Scary.

I meant to talk more in-depth on my thoughts, but it seems today is not much of a contemplation sort of day for me. Instead, I’ll continue with the even more recent updates since when I first began this post. I may add in some thoughts below though.

Fun, friends, and family

As previously mentioned, I ended up going to Euphoria (first time!) a couple weekends ago. It was an absolute blast with incredibly chill vibes and amazing people and music. I wouldn’t have considered it were it not for the fact that my friend had incredibly discounted VIP 3 day camping passes due to investing in the event. Additionally, they really set it up for success. Euphoria offered free shuttle rides from UT and downtown Austin to and from the grounds with Bus to Show (BTS) which, despite mass pandemonium to get home Saturday night, is an awesome and brilliant inclusion. To me, it shows they care about our safety more than they care about their pockets or judgement. If we truly cared about saving lives, we should offer safe alternatives rather than just outright rejection or punishment. Words true to things beyond just free rides, such as to abortions, but that’s a bit too serious for this right now.

Wiz Khalifa, Wiz, Euphoria, Euphoria 2017, music festival

Wiz was at Euphoria. if I didn’t seen him at Emory years back, I saw him now :)

In any case, I never did end up camping there simply because I was still dog sitting at the time, so I couldn’t, but it was definitely a great experience. One that I hope to be able to attend again. During my time there, I met new friends and even met with someone I hadn’t seen in almost a decade, I went back stage, found some new artists with great music, indulged too much in some overpriced but delicious food, and floated away in the clouds whilst dancing. It was definitely a great time without doing too much either, and I am incredibly grateful in having been able to part take in it.

This past weekend, I had a much calmer weekend compared to others. I finally went home for the first time in a month. Considering that I usually go back every other weekend, it was amazing I went 4 weekends in a row without going back. That was mostly due to the dog sitting though, but still. For this weekend, it was mostly about family. I spent some time with my sister Pokemon hunting and taking advantage of the Easter specials they were having. I played therapist to some issues at home. I unintentionally came back for my nephew’s birthday and sort of celebrated with him. I played some volleyball with friends, at one point sober and at another not so much. And I watched a bit of Netflix. I’ve learned I’m really bad at starting new things (shows, etc) frequently. I just go to what I already know I like even if I’ve already seen it a few times, despite a growing list of things I do want to watch or recommended stuff. It’s the same with manga and sometimes books. It’s not to say I won’t ever try them out, but it’s as if I have to be in the right kind of mood or situation to finally give it a shot. And it seems somewhat random when it does happen. Anyways.

birthdays, nephew, six years old, celebrations, cake

my youngest nephew turned six!

It was a nice weekend. Some packing was done as my moving date and such has been finalized. I have one or two weekends left living in Austin, this weekend being one of them. My only other one is actually Mother’s day weekend, which I didn’t realize, so this weekend may actually end up being my last weekend being in Austin. I had hoped to go to Hamilton Pool that weekend, but that may have to be done another time.

I forget to mention, but I am actually taking an online Biology course that has been going relatively well. I definitely don’t have to try too hard for it, which is a wonderful plus for me. Even though I’m not working (at my job) as much as I’d like to and technically shouldn’t have all that much to deal with, I’m still glad I don’t have to devote too much time and energy to this class to get a decent grade. Hopefully that continues for the next few weeks. It definitely is kind of annoying that the tests are always on weekends, but at least I can usually take them quickly.

Oh, and another thing that happened was me cutting my hair. I decided to cut off 19+ inches of hair. Well actually, I decided on 19 inches to sell/donate, and then my sister consequently cut off a lot more later for styling (which ended up being finished by her teacher). Long story short, I now have an asymmetrical bob of a haircut. Haven’t had this short of hair since undergrad… and changing from hair down past my waist to barely touching my shoulders is a definite difference. But I’m totally enjoying it. Anyways!

snapchat, haircut, asymmetrical haircut, filtered photos

apparently I haven’t saved many pics of myself with my haircut, so this snap will have to do

Things to look forward to besides getting a lot of new music:

-Middlelands! It’s happening pretty quickly. I’m super excited.
-visiting Hamilton Pool
-seeing old undergraduate friends (both in Atlanta and those who come to Texas)
-finally trying Franklins BBQ for the first time (already pre-ordered :D)
-seeing lots of friends
-playing volleyball more
-climbing more

How much of this will actually happen? Who knows. Right now it looks like all of it should happen, but you never know what will really happen until it does. I’ll try to give a music update at some point, but I may wait until after Middlelands, or do one for Euphoria/SXSW/etc first. In any case, this post has gone on long enough and probably has become even more disorganized. For those of y’all who stuck around to actually read all of this, I hope you found it somewhat entertaining or enlightening.

Have a great day!

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Candy, TV, and Falling in Love (with Music duh)

Jammin’ to: Katie by Missy Higgins

I wish I could have found a soundcloud or good link to embled (youtube videos were meh, lots of bad quality) to actually show this song, but you’ll just have to search for it on your own (youtube does have it…). This song is sung so beautifully and Missy Higgins is a very underappreciated artist (at least in America), so I decided to have it as my noteworthy song for this post. It’s an amazingly depressing song and with Missy’s incredible vocals its just so very touching. Lots of people are curious as to what the lyrics truly mean, whether Katie was someone who committed suicide, was a cutter, had drug problems, alcoholic, or anorexic/bulemic. It’s unclear, and I don’t know if Missy Higgins has ever clarified why she made the song, but I think that may make it even better because so many people can identify with this song from all different types of problems. Maybe that’s what Missy wanted in the first place. Regardless, I highly recommend the song just for its artistic beauty.

Additionally, I found I had this song as I’ve slowly been going through all the songs I own. I’ve often gotten full albums when I only knew one or two of the songs on the album and sometimes I never give the rest of the less popularized songs a chance. It’s been great listening to all these songs, some of which I absolutely love when I’ve never really heard them before though I own them and some of them I wonder why I got them in the first place. A learning experience, listen to everything at least once (or attempt to until you cannot take anymore of a bad song). :)

In the past two weeks, I’ve been in more accidents/near accidents than ever in my entire life. I don’t know what’s going on with the world recently, it’s like everyone’s on crazy juice or something, but after my accident two Thursdays ago (not my fault, got sandwiched as the guy behind me couldn’t stop in time so I hit into the car in front as well, thanks Newton), a lady backed into my mom’s car at the mall (no damage but a bump to the license plate area), this guy rushes out of nowhere on my right as I’m about to switch to that lane (I narrowly miss him by going back as he passes me at least 10+ miles faster than I’m going, and I’m already speeding) in the same day we get backed into, and as I’m driving into the turn lane from work a car pops out from nowhere and turns in through the lines of cars in the going straight lanes. I stop with decent spacing before I end up hitting this out of nowhere car (I didn’t even see that there was space for him to traverse through to get to the turn lane! He wasn’t in the lane next to the turn lane…

All in all, people need to be more careful. It’s a third of the year finished or so and already 700+ automobile-related deaths in Texas alone. :( Drive safely! I get angry and annoyed too, but honestly I have begun to try not to act on those instances even if they deserve it. I’ve always been bad at honking, but I feel like me being pissed off and showing it won’t really help the situation and if anything will inflame it even more most times. (Though it does let you blow off some steam, kinda hahaha.) Well, I am somewhat of a road rager so I really can’t say much, but I’m also too of not having enough control of my car to actually be a crazy driver back to someone who cuts me off or something. Meh.

Front damage of car

My damage in the front. At least the person in front of me didn’t have any noticeable damage…

back car damage

My wrecked back bumper. It now ghetto fabulously sports some black duct tape to keep the bottom part from dragging as I drive.

car damage driver behind

The driver behind me who couldn’t stop in time…

Anyways, I finally got to go to Bloom’s Candy and Soda Pop Shop! I got some pop rocks, salt water taffy, a root beer, and an awesome Tootsie Roll Pop metal lunch box! :D They have a ridiculous amount of root beer (and soda bottles in general, over 250 kinds!) and a ton of old school candy (though the one I was looking for, Clover gum, wasn’t there sadly) like razzle dazzles and what not. It’s a cool place, and I have begun my soda pop stamp card there now, so hopefully I’ll slowly build to getting a free bottle of soda! :D

candy front of store

The front of the store, not really that nice to look at but still!

5lbs gummy bear

They had a 5 lbs gummy bear for sale… o_O

I think they're energy drinks, but yeah some Simpsons energy drinks!

I think they’re energy drinks, but yeah some Simpsons energy drinks!

some soda flavors

A few of the unique and interesting soda pop flavors they have…

alice in wonderland stuff

I didn’t even know there was Alice in Wonderland candy…? But I’m not that surprised d=

Candy at Bloom's

Some candy offered at Bloom’s. Can we highlight on the bacon flavoring? It really smelled like bacon over there.

chilled root beers

The chilled different root beers they offered.

soda pop bottles chilled

Some of the chilled sodas they offer… Emphasis on the some (and chilled)

instant noodles blooms

I’ve never seen this brand of instant noodles, but apparently they’re available at Bloom’s!

hershey's chocolate

Old school Hershey’s chocolate packaging? Crazy!

marshmallow pops

marshmallow pop anyone? hehe

cigarette gum

When I was young, I used to buy these cigarette gum stuff from the ice cream truck that went through my neighborhood. Mostly ’cause I thought it was cool that “smoke” would come out from ’em like real cigarettes…

Additionally that day (Sunday), I got to check out Caffe Bene which is a popular coffee shop in Carrollton (located in the same plaza of Super H-Mart). It’s surprisingly big, and I shared a caramel cinnamon honey bread with my friend Kat and my nephew Colin. I also got to enjoy a marshmallow pop that had goldfish on it hahaha. I think it was making it look like somewhere in the ocean. Delicious and fattening, we went home very happy.

caramel bread

The caramel honey or whatever bread. Delicious and fattening.. and HUGE.

cake pops

Our cake/marshmallow pops that were a deal when you buy two. :D

I also gave blood on Sunday. Since I no longer am in college where a bunch of clubs/greeks often have blood drives, its placed more responsibility for me to take the initiative to go donate. I signed up ahead of time and, though they were quite busy for a Sunday, was successful. Reading about what disqualifies you for giving blood makes me realize that a significant amount of people cannot donate, so I urge anyone who can to do it or at least consider. More than likely, you will one day need blood from someone else yourself, so consider it as giving to get back if you need to. Or just do it ’cause you’re an awesome person.

Other than that, I haven’t gone to too many more places, and I actually started to sink back into being a homebody because I became addicted to watching The Good Wife. That show is so good, and I think I might try out Suits next, or concurrently… I haven’t decided yet! The bad part is I stay up much too late watching it when I need to sleep and wake up for work. The past few days have been 5-6 hours of sleep per night because I keep staying up until 2 AM because I get too excited from the cliff hanger at the end of each episode. It’s been nice especially since a lot of the other TV shows I keep up with are currently on break until next season, so I’ve had plenty to watch. At least I also helped clean the stairwell and front door area yesterday (vacuumed and what not)… So I wasn’t completely useless and being a bum!

Recently, I’ve been thinking about how a conversation I’m soon to have might play out, what I want to say, what I want to occur by having this conversation, and things like that. By doing this I actually kind of discover things about myself I think. I sort of “fantasize” or pretend as if its occurring and see what kind of ramblings come out of me. It took an interesting turn and I started talking about some past stuff and came to conclude that, perhaps stereotypically, I take a strong important to words. I’m not super gullible, though I wouldn’t necessarily say I’m gullible either, but when people directly tell me something, even if I have contradicting assumptions/ideas on it, I will take their words to heart and act as if that were true (again, even if I don’t necessarily think it is). For example, I once was noticing a friend of mine kind of… notice me more? Or it seemed as if he was talking to me more and looking at me more than he previously did. I had a boyfriend at the time who was also friends with him and he commented on how that guy clearly likes me. Because of this assumption, I started to kind of distance myself from him and act a little more harsh towards jokes he made that somewhat referenced sort of dating me or something. I also told his on/off girlfriend at the time about my boyfriends suspicions and she talked to him, resulting in him confronting me about it. He told me that he was told I had some sort of proof of him liking me, I denied the whole proof thing (though again, I had some suggestive proof but not concrete) but regardless he told me straight up that he did not have any feelings for me like that whatsoever. I said okay, and he almost seemed taken back that I didn’t fight him on the point. I guess he assumed we would discuss it a bit further and that I wouldn’t believe him or something, and my quick and firm acceptance of his words was perhaps unrealistic since most people do not easily accept things without some sort of suspicion. I can’t fully say this is exactly what he thought as I never asked him, but I do know he was taken back by my ease of acceptance to his denying that he did not have feelings for me. Regardless of how I may have felt that he did or didn’t like me before or after, from that point on we resumed our friendship in the same manner before I became more hostile towards him, and if anything grew closer eventually.

I use this example to highlight that, despite my suspicions and the suspicions of others, because he directly confronted me denying (not denial, but just deflecting or something, not the right word I want to use but I can’t think of another one) it, I took those words to heart and acted accordingly. That’s the nature words can hold on me often. Additionally, I feel as though this is why when someone decides to break up with me and we later get back together I always break up with them anyways. When they tell me they no longer want to be with me, no longer think we should be together, that it’s impossible for us to be together, whatever the reason, I take that to the heart. A seed of that “get over a person” is planted and just grows. That’s why, even if we break up for a day, week, or month, without having actually broken up (i.e. still talking to one another like we haven’t broken up), I eventually lose my feelings or begin to get over him as I continue to go out with him. Of course, there could be additional factors like the fact that all the troubles that caused us to break up in the first place just became too much and that’s why we broke up, but I have always had a feeling that once you break up with me (especially when I didn’t want to, but the other person did) it’s useless to get back together because we’ll eventually break up again. A one shot kind of girl? Oh dear… But anyways, my main point is that words matter. If you think and believe strongly enough that you no longer want to be with me and tell me, I will act on it. This also makes sense to my constant denial to someone liking me until they directly tell me. It has to be that person exactly, not their best friend who was told from him, or from all the signs, or from anything or anyone else, only him. (I suppose some actions would also tell me, but direct words probably give the least room for me to deny.)

Of course, I get told lots of stuff that I don’t act on too. Usually those are the positive things about myself interestingly enough. The negative or “negative” (breaking up with me, not liking me, etc) I often will take in and root it, but the more positive things (you’re not fat, for example) I won’t really root in haha. And of course, not everything gets ingrained, but still… It’s an interesting thought, to think that words can matter so much to me. I do think a healthy balance between words and actions are necessary for any full belief of something, but words I think can sometimes strongly overpower actions for me. I can deny actions more easily than I can deny direct words. The key, though, is the directness. If you imply or hint something in words it doesn’t mean that I’ll take it in. But when you directly confess something to me, then there’s no room for denial, and that’s what makes it stick with me.

Of course, things change over time so what you say may be something of the past and not something true later on, but still it can stick for a long time for me I guess. Who knows, but what I do know is direct words = important. Only with full certainty should it be said because it might forever stick with me, even if you don’t mean it later on…
Additionally, I had these thoughts awhile ago but still they seem worthy to reconsider again, I’m beginning to agree with the idea that boys and girls can’t truly ever be just friends. It’s weird for me to say given that I do actually have many close guy friends (seriously though, I do), but in many instances one of us usually likes the other at one point or another and for the instances that have yet to occur (which I am still good friends with some guys who I have never had feelings for nor they to me), sometimes I think I could imagine it occurring. Perhaps not ALWAYS, maybe, but I actually wouldn’t be surprised if not always. I think I’ll ponder it more and update with a better thought process on it at a later date (assuming I remember to do so).

Other than my own over-thinking about things and addiction to The Good Wife, nothing much else has occurred. Waiting to hear if I can get a green light for my boss paying half of my laptop costs! I’ll know by tomorrow I suppose (which is also pay day, though my check will be significantly less because of the jury duty I had to do this week). I also get to try Mike Andersen’s BBQ on Saturday potentially and also some gourmet donuts of a place that I don’t recall what it was named. I may also attend an Opera with A+A and my mother as well as have dinner before that. And some plans to hookah on Sunday with Elyse, Bennison and Kat. So a decently filled weekend is lined up for me! (In addition to my talk that I have to have which will be occurring this weekend as well hopefully.)

On a side note, I think I have begun realizing some of The Good Wife’s mishaps or lack of consistency. I don’t want to spoil it, but I feel like certain things were originally used and going somewhere or was a lead up that never actually got used later or lead up to anything later. Kind of glass shattering to me, which is sad, but I think I’ll still keep addicted since while I’m watching I’m not over thinking about it.
Also, I was reading boredpanda.com at work (typical norm) when bored recently and read about 40 places to visit before you die as well as 22 unbelievable places in the world. My goodness, my bucket list is going to be full of places to visit before I die, seriously. They look so cool! For instance I really want to visit the Wisteria Flower Tunnel in Japan. It looks so pretty (well, they all do in their own ways really, but still)! I just, y’know, have to visit Tokyo, Japan again, drive 4 hours out in a car that I have to rent and put gas in, and yeah it’ll happen! (Probably also need a place to say for a few nights… probably.) I also am just slightly considering how awesome it would be to be in Australia… with only a very minimal thing driving my consideration (gun control) hahaha. Probably not going to happen, but those advertisements about amazing reef jobs were also super awesome to look and fantasize about.

Anyways, there not much else to be said! So I end with some lyrics that actually aren’t from Katie by Missy Higgins but rather a song by Nas. (Two of his songs have been rediscovered and reloved by me again during my listening of all my music.)

“All I need is one life, one try, one breath I’m one man
What I stand for speaks for itself, they don’t understand” <3
-One Mic (Styles Remix) by Nas

/end.

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