Tag Archives: food

When the fun crashes together

Currently jammin’ to: Want You More by Draper

I actually got introduced to Draper at SXSW. It’s surprising that he isn’t more well known, but he was definitely one of the best introductions that I got from SXSW this year. I’m excited to keep hearing great music from him. Half the time I wrote this post I was listening to his music.

I’ve had a thought to update this multiple times before now, and yet I kept telling myself “give yourself some time to think and then talk about it here.” But that time to think never really came, and thus a post wasn’t written either until now, a month plus later (and then some, because I totally started this post almost two weeks ago). It’s funny what you decide to make time for sometimes. I didn’t make enough time for me to even think through recent things occurring in my life, but I had time to catch up on all the Supernatural episodes out there (I watched a couple of seasons) and start White Collar again. Priorities? Or procrastination? Or maybe just avoiding the serious stuff because it’s “less fun” perhaps. That seems somewhat of a likely reason.

In the end, you still gotta face what you may or may not have wanted to face though. I’m sure I’m still holding off on thinking of some things even still, and for now I’m okay with that. But I also may want to wake up just a little bit more to what’s been going on in my life too. Maybe.

FYI, like previously mentioned, I started this post then held off finishing it for almost two weeks, so there’s some disorganization because I didn’t completely scrap what I had previously written, but just decided to add in (like an addendum) the most recent things.

the new things in life, surprise surprise

Since my last post, many things have surprisingly actually happened. The best moment so far? Getting accepted into the University of Dallas’s Masters of Science Communication Disorders program! The worst moment so far? Wrecking my car. And then there’s everything in between and after. It’s been fun, y’all.

Let’s start with getting accepted, because that actually occurred the earliest of recent events since my last post, I think. For the past two years, I’ve been trying to get into a master’s program to become a Speech Language Pathologist (SLP). This is something I was introduced to at the very end of my undergraduate days and it stuck with me ’til even now. I can really only provide a cheesy cliche type of reasoning as to why I want to become one, but in the end it’s the truest of statements. I’ve always enjoyed helping people when I can and listening to their problems to troubleshoot. It’s why I originally went down the psychology path (minus the fact that business just seemed so meh and I didn’t get into Goizuetta anyhow), to eventually become a therapist. Along the way, I discovered the field of linguistics and fell in love with that. My head is always thinking, and I’ve always desired to understand others better, even if unsuccessfully. And language, beautiful language, is argued as the main difference between us humans and other animals. Either way, communication is key to understanding another person, thus knowing how to communicate is incredibly important. With the desire to help others and the passion for language combined, becoming an SLP just seemed like the most ideal job. It didn’t hurt that typical starting base salary was decent and that the job market for it was still growing and in demand. And though I didn’t try to run down that path right away, eventually (aka two years ago) I did decide it was time to truly pursue it. And so I did. And there were failures, like getting rejected from UTD twice, and there were successes, like basically making a 4.0 at UT for my prerequisites and finally being accepted by 3 out of 4 of the masters programs. It took time and dedication, but it finally happened. So starting next Fall, I will be back in Dallas and moving forward in the career I’ve hoped to have.

In addition to my acceptance, other events have transpired within my life that are very much positive. I randomly attended the end of SXSW this year and got some free swag, free food/drinks, and free shows. I met up old friends (S. Chen & Y. Yip) and gained new ones, and also finally went climbing at Austin Bouldering Project. It’s been a place I’ve been “attempting” to go to for a couple of years now, so finally experiencing it (for free) is definitely a highlight. I hope to continue climbing, maybe go some more while I’m in Austin, and even when returning back to Dallas keep up with it. Now that I’ve bought shoes for it, I’m bound to go a few more times. It’d be fun to keep doing, despite the callouses it’s bound to give me.

For a couple weeks in March to April, I was house and dog sitting for a friend who was traveling. These cute little pups were my companions and kept me on a somewhat regular schedule, surprise surprise.

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Additionally, my sister (plus one) finally came to visit me in Austin! It was her first time back in Austin in over a few years, if I recall correctly. All we did was eat and pokemon hunt, but it was a great weekend. I got to try Sway out, a Thai restaurant that was highly recommended to me, along with getting $1 oysters and some Gourdoughs. Good food and pokemon hunting is always welcomed, and often a typical sight when I’m hanging with my sister as of now.

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Additionally, I finally went on somewhat of a hike in Austin! I’ve been wanting to hike more, especially since Austin has so many available trails and places to go nearby, but I just haven’t found the people to go with. While I could hike by myself, I always considered it a potential safety issue. Plus it’s just not as fun when you’re alone.

360 bridge, hiking, bridge, austin

view of 360 bridge from our hike

And somehow, I’ve found myself living it up much more frequently than I ever would have thought. Each weekend brings a different adventure, whether it’s girls night, a music concert (Bassjackers – also a new intro for me), SXSW, St. Patty’s Day Parade, or just fun times with friends, it’s been a ride. And on this ride, sadly, came a crash.

I’ve been in accidents before, of my own cause and due to others, and I will admit that I am more prone to speeding than going below or at limit when driving, but this has been the worst by far. And still, I am incredibly thankful for 1. not being hurt minus some bruises from the air bags, and 2. not hurting anyone else. Ultimately, combine a winding/curving downhill road, wet pavement/road, close to balding tires, less than 100% mental awareness, possibly a little too much speed and a car with not the best of breaks, and you get hydroplaning into multiple spin outs and curb/trees hits. The result is a ruined back bumper, the right mirror and rear light missing, some auto body damage, deployed side airbags on both sides, and a broken left rear spring/axle of a car. The good part, besides no one getting hurt, was that I had already exited for my apartment and was somehow able to drive my car to my apartment which was about a mile away. In some incredible feat, given the state of my car (can we go back to the fact that my car’s left rear was literally sitting on my tire due to the axle being broken?) and my mental mind, I managed to reverse park my car at my apartment complex. The car itself, minus the body damage, actually runs fine since the front wasn’t damaged (aside from the right mirror). Considering how much it would cost to repair an axle/spring, replace the airbags, get a new bumper/mirror/light, and everything else though, ultimately what was likely to happen is that we sell the car for someone to scrap for parts or fix up themselves. Fortunately, my cousin has lots of car connections and a friend of his bought the car as is and towed it away to be fixed up with his own car repair connections. Of course, I still needed a car to get to work, especially given how I was commuting from my friend’s house while I still dog sit, so my dad graciously drove the car my sister’s been using (which is my brother’s old car) down to me. And now, I’m back in the white Toyota car family again.

car crash, altima coupe, crash, towing, towed

my car being towed away to be forever gone but fixed for another

Lessons learned, but really

I’m not gonna lie, I somehow handled the whole crashing my car and airbags deploying a lot better than I thought I would. I don’t know the exact reasons as to why it didn’t shake me as much as it should’ve. Maybe I’ve somehow rationalized to myself that more of the situation was out of my hands to create the perfect storm than I care to claim responsibility for. Either way, the thing I ultimately felt most upset about was the financial burden it has created upon myself and my parents. As someone who has been in school and working part-time (heavy inflection on the part) for the past year, I’ve relied heavily upon my parents for financial assistance. Now that I’m continuing to a Master’s, my financial capabilities for the next two years are going to stay pretty limited still. I am well aware of many of the financial burdens my parents currently face, both from me and due to other situations in their lives, and to know I have contributed to it in this way really riddles me with guilt and shame. Does this mean I won’t ever speed again? Sadly, probably not. I know myself well enough to not be able to make that promise. Will I be more careful about my driving? I would hope so, and I think I am already being a bit more careful. One thing that definitely was reinforced was my preference to not drive. While I am never one to shy away from meeting with friends despite a far distance (hello living in Arlington and having friends in Plano), I still prefer to catch a ride.

There is, of course, some considerations for re-evaluating my life choices right now. Recently, as previously stated, I’ve been fairly active and frequently in some sort of compromised state of mind, albeit usually nothing too crazy. Mental capacities aside, the expenditures I’ve continued to collect definitely continue to burn a hole in pants that seem close to combustion. To be fair, they could (and probably should) be a lot worse given how active I’ve been, but in the end that slow fire is becoming a blaze. It might be time to be more of a homebody. I can’t say this will definitely happen, as I already considered making plans to attend Euphoria this weekend (which I did, more on that later) even though two weeks ago I had no intentions of it. I still plan to be adventurous and experience new things that inherently are risky, because I still believe in living my life to the fullest and cause I like to try new things, but maybe I’ll take it a bit slower. Maybe I’ll forsake some plans with friends so that I’m more responsible to myself and to my parents. Maybe I’ll take on another job or get a new one over the summer.

Or maybe not. I really don’t know. I want to be a better person, I want to make the right choices, but I also want to enjoy my life. I don’t want to keep feeling like a black hole of burden to my parents, who have always provided me more than I can ever hope for and now seem so much older in a scary way. I want to be able to provide them with the luxury of life’s greatest comforts and sights. I want to be able to proudly know I am independently supporting myself while servicing others who are in need. I want to make my own ice cream and eat it too (because I don’t really like cake, and it’s more fun when you do it yourself than buy it from someone else). And so the selfish side battles the responsible side, both of which win different battles and create who I am. Is it your actions that are important or your intentions? I think both: intentions only go so far, but actions made of the wrong intentions can still be just as harmful.

These thoughts these days

To no surprise, I’ve been thinking a lot like always. Or really, I should say I have had a lot of various thoughts come to mind. But actual thinking time has been a bit more minimal than it probably should. I actually wrote a couple of paragraphs on one of these thoughts already but decided to delete them and not bring them back up. It’s a debate I don’t really have interest in speculating  more about, so to bring it up in my post seems irrelevant.

I’ve recently found myself engaging in things I had previously stated were unlikely or even outright refusing to do. And yet there I was, doing what I said I wouldn’t do, and being okay with it. I don’t want to call myself a hypocrite, but ultimately it does seem quite like that in some of the situations. Granted, I’m not one to truly say never to things, but the fact that I feel like I keep eating my own words is definitely making me consider why my acceptance values or actions have changed.

Recently, I’ve found myself engaging in more casual relationships. I’ve never been against them, to be fair, but I did speculate with a friend on it not too long ago about why I’ve never had one before. The words I said then are still true, and yet still I engaged in what I said was unlikely to happen. If I were to put it in a positive light, I could say I just hadn’t found the right scenario to allow these things to occur until now.

In a separate situation, I found myself offered certain recreational drugs that I had told myself I would never try, but then found myself contemplating to try. I actually didn’t part take in said drugs, but the fact that I definitely considered it kind of shocked me. Here I was, stating with a clear mind my strong refusal to ever trying them, and then there I was, under the influence, truly considering trying them out. Again, I do know that I’ve always been open to trying things, and I was also already mentally compromised in some way, but still. It just makes me wonder how easily I might give up some of my values and choose to do the exact opposite if the right conditions are set. Scary.

I meant to talk more in-depth on my thoughts, but it seems today is not much of a contemplation sort of day for me. Instead, I’ll continue with the even more recent updates since when I first began this post. I may add in some thoughts below though.

Fun, friends, and family

As previously mentioned, I ended up going to Euphoria (first time!) a couple weekends ago. It was an absolute blast with incredibly chill vibes and amazing people and music. I wouldn’t have considered it were it not for the fact that my friend had incredibly discounted VIP 3 day camping passes due to investing in the event. Additionally, they really set it up for success. Euphoria offered free shuttle rides from UT and downtown Austin to and from the grounds with Bus to Show (BTS) which, despite mass pandemonium to get home Saturday night, is an awesome and brilliant inclusion. To me, it shows they care about our safety more than they care about their pockets or judgement. If we truly cared about saving lives, we should offer safe alternatives rather than just outright rejection or punishment. Words true to things beyond just free rides, such as to abortions, but that’s a bit too serious for this right now.

Wiz Khalifa, Wiz, Euphoria, Euphoria 2017, music festival

Wiz was at Euphoria. if I didn’t seen him at Emory years back, I saw him now :)

In any case, I never did end up camping there simply because I was still dog sitting at the time, so I couldn’t, but it was definitely a great experience. One that I hope to be able to attend again. During my time there, I met new friends and even met with someone I hadn’t seen in almost a decade, I went back stage, found some new artists with great music, indulged too much in some overpriced but delicious food, and floated away in the clouds whilst dancing. It was definitely a great time without doing too much either, and I am incredibly grateful in having been able to part take in it.

This past weekend, I had a much calmer weekend compared to others. I finally went home for the first time in a month. Considering that I usually go back every other weekend, it was amazing I went 4 weekends in a row without going back. That was mostly due to the dog sitting though, but still. For this weekend, it was mostly about family. I spent some time with my sister Pokemon hunting and taking advantage of the Easter specials they were having. I played therapist to some issues at home. I unintentionally came back for my nephew’s birthday and sort of celebrated with him. I played some volleyball with friends, at one point sober and at another not so much. And I watched a bit of Netflix. I’ve learned I’m really bad at starting new things (shows, etc) frequently. I just go to what I already know I like even if I’ve already seen it a few times, despite a growing list of things I do want to watch or recommended stuff. It’s the same with manga and sometimes books. It’s not to say I won’t ever try them out, but it’s as if I have to be in the right kind of mood or situation to finally give it a shot. And it seems somewhat random when it does happen. Anyways.

birthdays, nephew, six years old, celebrations, cake

my youngest nephew turned six!

It was a nice weekend. Some packing was done as my moving date and such has been finalized. I have one or two weekends left living in Austin, this weekend being one of them. My only other one is actually Mother’s day weekend, which I didn’t realize, so this weekend may actually end up being my last weekend being in Austin. I had hoped to go to Hamilton Pool that weekend, but that may have to be done another time.

I forget to mention, but I am actually taking an online Biology course that has been going relatively well. I definitely don’t have to try too hard for it, which is a wonderful plus for me. Even though I’m not working (at my job) as much as I’d like to and technically shouldn’t have all that much to deal with, I’m still glad I don’t have to devote too much time and energy to this class to get a decent grade. Hopefully that continues for the next few weeks. It definitely is kind of annoying that the tests are always on weekends, but at least I can usually take them quickly.

Oh, and another thing that happened was me cutting my hair. I decided to cut off 19+ inches of hair. Well actually, I decided on 19 inches to sell/donate, and then my sister consequently cut off a lot more later for styling (which ended up being finished by her teacher). Long story short, I now have an asymmetrical bob of a haircut. Haven’t had this short of hair since undergrad… and changing from hair down past my waist to barely touching my shoulders is a definite difference. But I’m totally enjoying it. Anyways!

snapchat, haircut, asymmetrical haircut, filtered photos

apparently I haven’t saved many pics of myself with my haircut, so this snap will have to do

Things to look forward to besides getting a lot of new music:

-Middlelands! It’s happening pretty quickly. I’m super excited.
-visiting Hamilton Pool
-seeing old undergraduate friends (both in Atlanta and those who come to Texas)
-finally trying Franklins BBQ for the first time (already pre-ordered :D)
-seeing lots of friends
-playing volleyball more
-climbing more

How much of this will actually happen? Who knows. Right now it looks like all of it should happen, but you never know what will really happen until it does. I’ll try to give a music update at some point, but I may wait until after Middlelands, or do one for Euphoria/SXSW/etc first. In any case, this post has gone on long enough and probably has become even more disorganized. For those of y’all who stuck around to actually read all of this, I hope you found it somewhat entertaining or enlightening.

Have a great day!

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Snowboarding and food, that’s what I did

Oh man, there are a lot of songs I’ve been jammin’ to recently. So many new (to me) tunes that I’ve been introduced to by others and so many old ones I still love… In the end, I have to spotlight this one song that I keep finding myself searching for to play – All My Friends featuring Tinashe and Chance the Rapper by Snakehips

Good music, food, company = amazing times

It’s been an exploratory year already for sure. I’ve been pushing boundaries I’d set for myself in ways I didn’t think I would, and yet my personal belief in no regrets continues. It’s definitely been a whirlwind, and one I haven’t fully stopped long enough to completely consider in all its complications, but regardless, it’s been a blast.

I didn’t mean for it to happen, but this post is basically only about my trip to Whistler/Vancouver/Seattle. Definitely worth some reading if you’re planning a trip up (especially to Seattle), but otherwise just primarily jotting my life down like a diary here.

As (probably) mentioned before, I went on another snowboarding trip with about the same people as before (but less of them) to Canada’s Whistler Blackcomb mountain. What’s new about this? For one, I’d never been to Vancouver and I’d never really explored Canada, and of course I’d never snowboarded in Whistler BC, which is ranked as the #2 place to snowboard in the world. Was I incredibly excited? Heck yes. I also got to knock off my list visiting Seattle in the same trip, which was just a super awesome extra plus. My close college group of friends and I had talked about visiting Seattle as our 5-year reunion (which is this year) but decided the less financially burdensome option was to just visit our old stomping grounds: Atlanta, GA. So Seattle was still a city I’d never been to but wanted to go.

What can/should I say about the trip? Despite some pre-trip drama, it was amazing. The food was some of the best I’ve ever had. At times, I was at a loss to describe how wonderful it was. And of course, I once again improved in my efforts to become a better snowboarder. I truly wish I were going on another boarding trip this year, because at the end of our third day on the mountain, I was feeling awesome and having a blast. To be somewhat fair, I also partook in some recreational happiness whilst on the mountain this time. (In fact, this whole trip was pretty much like that.) Though it definitely wasn’t just because of that, I can’t discredit the potential influence it may have held in my relaxed and more confident abilities down the mountain.

I think mostly my improvements came from trying out a few different boards from my own. My friends and I kind of swapped around boards the last day (and partly the second to last day) just to see how each other’s felt and consider adjustments to our own. I had a surprisingly easy time carving/kicking with a relatively pliable and scratched up board. Because of how easy it was to switch heel-toe on it, I ended up improving my confidence in doing so which transferred to my/other boards as well. Totally worth the switching to see those differences transfer over.

We were fortunate with the weather (though perhaps a few days before we arrived would have been even better). Rain came the day after we finished on the mountain, so we were able to get some powder in, albeit melting by the end of it and somewhat clumpy because of some previous rainfall. Still, some of the runs had some of the smoothest, fullest powder I’d ridden on in years. I have to say, the first day was the best weather, but the most crowded sadly. The second day was supposedly a national holiday for Canada and so everyone kept telling us it would be super crowded, but compared to the day before (which was a Sunday/weekend) it was a lot less. And yet, our third day (Tuesday, non-holiday) it was even emptier than the day before. We were told there were times you wouldn’t see more than five people on the mountain since Whistler tends to be an international hot spot with varying travel peaks, and I could totally see how that could be true on our last day.

Whistler, Whistler BC, Vancouver, Canada, snowboarding, mountains, snow, boarding

Whistler Blackcomb mountaintop (this is Whistler mountain respectively)

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the fallen snowboard… there was so much snow it went past our knees walking

As for the food, we started off with some Cambodian food in Seattle when we landed. While definitely not the best of the trip, it set us off on a decent route in terms of exploring around. We also hit up a ton of bubble tea shops (with our ever challenge of who has to go to the bathroom first) before heading up to Canada. To clarify, we flew into Seattle, had some food/tea and loaded up on fun things (because apparently liquor costs more in Canada?), then drove up, spent three days on the mountains, one half-day after in Vancouver, and about 2-ish days in Seattle. In between on one of the mountain days, we headed into the city (Vancouver) and ate ramen – Kintaro Ramen. Again, not the best of the trip (and not the best ramen I’ve had either), but satisfying after a day of snowboarding. Plus it was cool to see a bit of the Asian community in Vancouver.

Speaking of Asians in Vancouver, it’s super real y’all. I seriously felt like I was visiting an Asian country (a first world one anyways) half the time because of how many Asians there were. I mean, I know people have told me a lot of Asians live there (from all over, not just Chinese, Japanese, Korean, etc), but wahsai! Anyways.

On our actual exploratory day in Vancouver (which it rained, killing part of our ability to explore), we went to a recommended Japanese sushi restaurant – Miku. And this is where we first start the explosions of foodgasms. Their pressed sushi (aka oshi sushi) was incredible. Most of us got an assortment to try them all out (and we swapped pieces if we were missing out), and it was amazing. In addition to the awesome sushi, we had beautiful desserts that were just as tasty. One of the people on the trip is sadly allergic to fish, so while he couldn’t enjoy in the sushi, he definitely loved the desserts.

oshi sushi, sushi, miku, vancouver, canada, delicious, food, amazing, pressed sushi

oshi sushi from Miku <3 it was amazingly delicious

desserts, sushi, pressed sushi, oshi sushi, miku, vancouver, canada

one of the two beautiful desserts from Miku that were as tasty in design and to the palette

From there, we also tried Japadog – Japanese styled street hot dogs. While I can’t say it was as amazing as Miku’s oshi sushi, it was definitely cool to try it out. It’s always awesome to discover food with other people who like to eat. I’ve never been one to call myself a foodie (despite some other people’s claims), but if it gets me with more food-minded people then I’m down. Yay food!

poutine, fries, shaken fries, japadog, japanese hotdogs, yakisoba, hot dogs, food, vancouver, canada

three (of the four) Japadogs we got along with the shaken fries and their poutine fries as well

We dined in Seattle that night and boy was it amazing. We were able to make reservations to an amazing (and highly recommended) Malaysian restaurant called Kedai Makan. Once again, our food exploration was perfect. We each got a different dish (and also decided to partake in some very interesting herbal shots due to their rather fun names) and kept swapping them around. Every dish was delicious, and in the end we had a ton of fun and left incredibly satisfied. Oh, and the place serves free milk tea while you wait/dine! Strangely(?), pretty much all the Asian restaurants we went to in Seattle provided us with some sort of complimentary beverage beyond water (the Cambodian place provided free Jasmine green tea, Kedai Makan provided free milk tea). I don’t know if they’re saying something about Seattle’s water, or just their way of servicing customers. Either way, we greatly enjoyed it. Our overall experience at Kedai Makan was probably one of the best food (not including the drinks) ones on the trip, with the food coming in close second for me. The shots (named Strength and Stamina, Longevity, Healing, and the Mother aka combo of all of the above) were definitely not as enjoyable to take (we semi Russian roulette took them), but made for fun times.

Malaysian food, sharing is caring, food, foodie, Capitol Hill, Seattle, Washington

our four AMAZING Malaysian dishes (the pork bone soup came with the side of rice)

Afterwards, we found ourselves randomly at an arcade room with a very… well, let’s just say the bartender/worker did not want to be there or be bothered. We had tried to get into a speakeasy called Knee High Stocking Co. initially, but while standing outside it’s unassuming door, a worker came out and told us they were no longer accepting more patrons for the night. Thus, we chanced upon the game room. Having ordered some drinks, we all played The Simpsons until whatever change we had on us was used before going to a place called Pie Bar and ordering more drinks. The server there was incredibly friendly and provided us with lots of information to Seattle’s night life. We learned quickly (from her and from our own perusing) that Seattle doesn’t really get up and hopping until at the earliest Thursday (it was a Wednesday night) and really lives it up Friday-Saturday. Understanding that we were unlikely to find any cool night life that night, we ended our night.

Our next day started at Sweet Iron Waffles: a humble start to a very long day of eating. The only place I absolutely insisted upon visiting (to eat) while in Seattle was Pike’s Place for their clam chowder. So, of course, we headed there relatively early to check out the market. We went to Mee Sum Pastry for some hom bow as things were still getting set up and opened. We also “checked out” the original Starbucks… While this doesn’t really hold much to me (as I’m not a Starbucks lover), I can appreciate its “awesomeness” to an extent. And that extent is to go look at it when there’s no line, take a picture (ish) so I can tell my sister (who does love Starbucks), and be able to say I did go there. For about an hour, we just explored the market and took pictures until Pike Place Chowder opened up. It definitely lived up to the hype. While I would have preferred a bit more kick to my chowder, I definitely still enjoyed it. Definitely would’ve been okay with going back that day for it (though we didn’t). Afterwards, we happened upon Rachel’s Ginger Beer, where we grabbed some drinks before heading to MoPOP (Seattle’s Museum of Pop Culture).

Pike Place Market, seafood, merchant, lobster tail, snow crab, dungeoness crab

do you spy the JUMBO lobster tail on the left side? and ALL the crab? My eyes were in heaven. If only I could take some home

Pike Place Chowder, Seattle, Washington, clam chowder, delicious food

the original clam chowder from Pike Place Chowder. #1 in the US years running

Maybe it was just me, but I really enjoyed visiting MoPOP. I probably could spend a whole day or more there, especially listening to all that music. It definitely hit some of the inner nerd in me with its fantasy/horror/Star Trek (well, kinda on that) side, and of course its music section was really cool. We also had a lot of fun with their games section. Some games in there were quite interesting. Definitely a cool place to visit.

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the initial display for the horror museum section of MoPOP

MoPOP, museum of modern art, Nirvana, music, guitars, museums

one of the music artworks at MoPOP near the music section

After MoPOP, we went back to Pike Place and decided to get some Chinese wraps at Country Dough. It didn’t quite live up to expectations and unfortunately the place itself was near some renovations that was definitely bothering one of the workers, but regardless we kept on. We checked out the famous gum wall… Why this was an amazing thing some people decided to create is still beyond me, but once again the best I can say is that at least I’ve been there. We tried this place called Alibi Room (I think?) which sadly I ordered a crab dip (to share) and ended up not being able to stomach it due to their use of onions in it. Sigh. They did have a decent spicy mac and cheese if I recall though. I’ll be honest, I don’t fully recall if we went to Pike Brewing Company after that or Elliott’s Oyster House, but in any case we went to those. The oysters were mostly only okay with the last one that we ordered being the best (aka happy hour was ehh, not really worth it). I believe it was from Hunt Island? Or something Island in Alaska. That oyster was good, the rest (from happy hour)… were okay. Paired with a super light white wine, it went alright.

Another moment of honesty: I definitely did not get something at each place we went to nor drink at each place mentioned. While most of my party did, my tolerance definitely is not up to par (which I am totally okay with) and I tried to conserve my appetite at least a little bit. In the end, it probably was for the best as we ate so much overall.

The epitome of foodgasm on this past trip had to have been from Radiator Whiskey and their incredible fried pork shank. We originally went there for their smoked half pig head and then spotted their turkey drum confit, but ultimately decided upon this loss-of-words pork shank. I will totally hype it up for anyone because I think it was that amazing for us all. Granted, okay, we had all been drinking, but still. Ultimately, that was definitely what I thought was the best food on this trip. I am still at a loss of words as to how to describe how amazing it was. Anyways, our night was completed with finally going to that speakeasy (which was much too quiet for our group), multiple attempts at bars and clubs including some karaoke at Rock Box, and definitely meeting randoms in the gaybourhood (though the people we ended up talking to at the end of the night weren’t gay).

pork shank, pork, fried, crispy, food, delicious, foodgasm

this picture doesn’t do it justice. the “I don’t even know” pork shank

The next day, we packed up, went back to Uncle Ike’s (we visited before we went to Canada on day one), and ate at Mike’s Noodle House as our final meal in Seattle. I must say, Seattle’s eats are quite tasty. If you’re ever able to, I’d recommend Moxey mints. And I’ve now learned that CBD is legally sold in all 50 states, though most effectively used when slightly combined.

I didn’t mean for it to be a total stroll down my whole trip, but alas I am a rambler and really bad at not including as much detail as I can. Because leaving out certain details definitely changes the way things are interpreted, so even with my full on summaries, they’re definitely still missing bits and written in a way to be a little less obvious to certain things, I think. Or maybe I am just kidding myself haha.

Beyond that trip, we came back to Dallas for the weekend. The weekend itself was just a slight extension from the trip, with a lot more sleeping though. While some unexpected things/moments occurred, as I mentioned from the beginning, I’m left with a fun and amazing experience with no regrets.

Considering how long this post already is, I think I’ll have to end it as is and write my other thoughts/things another time. This post is already quite full. But here’s some future considerations I’ve got lined up: I’m thinking about making some music-focused and possibly some food-focused posts. Like I mentioned before (and in my about me), I love music and food. I love finding new music and finding new food places. This extends to all types of music and all types of food (drinks included). I’ve been told before to do this, and while I’m much too inconsistent of a blogger to be of great value, with my current schedule I figured I could at least attempt it, even if just for my own sake of saying I tried. It’s still a considerations I am pondering, but just something I thought I’d suggest.

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the internet and advice

Currently jammin’ to:

In some ways, I’m not quite sure what I want to say in this blog post, however I feel that I should still write something as I attempt to somewhat consistently write again in here. Quick apologies if this is lots of stream of consciousness and ramblings. My thoughts are not currently as focused or well-formed as I would hope them to be, but I will try on anyways!

Life snapchats

To highlight some new developments in life, I recently began working with autistic children again at a therapy place in Austin. The style is slightly different, with a more natural-play strategy to ABA as opposed to the DTT ABA style that I was used to at my previous ABA therapy office in Irving. Still, the rewards and changes are visible and the difficulty is still sometimes there. Additionally, this office requires its workers to be RBT (registered behavior technician) certified (a $600 test) and pays for you to complete it. So in addition to my work, my summer school, and my two labs, I am also working to become RBT certified at my own free time (but still slightly scheduled). Hooray for keeping busy! Let’s just hope I don’t overwork myself.

My 4th of July plans went a bit awry due to some unfortunate circumstances, so I ended up back in Dallas doing bits and sorts with various people as opposed to my highly nature-based plans that I originally had. Still, I got to see some old friends and hang out with some new ones, play a little volleyball, sing a little karaoke, and spend a bit of time with some family. All in all, a fun time.

Previous to the 4th of July weekend, I took a trip to Waco with some friends to the BSR Cable Water Park to go down a huge slide. Ultimately, we ended up looping the lazy river three times with most of our party getting trashed and only went down the slide (for me) once and not even The Royal Flush (or the bigger one) which is the “famous” one. I was fine with it considering how painful it was hitting the water after the slide and how long you had to wait for the steepest slide, but all-in-all a great trip with friends. After some food, we also got a tour of a cabbage factory/farm that a friend was growing. Despite the fact that it seems strange we were touring a cabbage farm/factory, it was, in fact, pretty interesting to learn about the cultivation that goes into it and its potential economical abilities. After some chilling, a long drive with a mini sleep break occurred + some Carl’s Junior. I can definitely say that I did not expect such a long day at Waco, but I definitely had a grand time.

Here’s a video of some of footage we got:

Outside of these events, life just happened. Some ups, some downs, some unexpected and some expected.

So punny

snapchat toast filter

snapchat toast filter :)

In lieu of my last headline, I made my featured picture one of my snapchat filter pictures. Apparently, this filter may be based off some video of cats having bread face pictures? I was only informed of this after I sent off my picture, but either way I find it hilarious. Within the last year, I’ve really enjoyed using the snapchat filters for its silly and randomness. It’s a little vain in some ways being so self-centered with multiple selfies, but mostly I just find it fun. A silly way of posing and sending off to friends/family. Maybe it’s my natural silly nature taking over, but I have quite enjoyed Snapchat filters and all its glories. I considered making a youtube video compiling some of my filtered photos (because why not be more vain, right?) just because I find them hilarious and think others might too. Who knows though, I’m not much of a YouTuber, so we’ll see if that ever happens.

On a somewhat related note, other thoughts of YouTube video making includes making review/rating videos for food/restaurants. As some of my friends like to consider me a foodie (I don’t call myself one, though I admit I like trying new food places when I can), it’s been recommended that I either 1) stream me eating food or 2) make videos reviewing places I’ve gone to with pictures of the food. While streaming videos of me eating seem a bit strange (despite the growing popularity in it), I did find some interest in video reviewing as I do like to try and review restaurants on Yelp if I find some time. I learn of new places from other people and check reviews to deem a place more or less worthy of attempting, so sharing my experience seems like “giving back” in a sense to the things that guide me to my decisions to food. Some more consideration to be given, especially since I have no idea how I would really get this together and I don’t know if I really eat out enough for this right now (at least to new places). We’ll see.

family love

I will never be able to express enough gratitude and appreciation to my family. I probably don’t even feel enough gratitude to them on a daily basis as I should, but when I do reach some sort of random aha moment of appreciation, I want to make note of it however I can. I have never considered my family super tight knit. My siblings and I generally live fairly independent of each other, and this was especially apparent when we were all still living under the same roof. We just did not always see each other or make much time to try. Perhaps that’s part of being young, exploring elsewhere, and perhaps its just the differences we have in our lives. My siblings and I are all four years or so apart from one another, so my eldest sibling is 8 years older than I and my second sibling is 4 years older than I. And while I do try to visit my parents and siblings every other weekend or so when I am available in town, I actually find this to be a more recent thing now that I’ve moved further from home again. Ultimately, despite sometimes lacking much involvement in each others lives, the one thing that constantly rings true is that we are always there for one another, whether just because we’re bored and looking for something to do, or if we truly need one another for something more serious. This is something I did not frequently make use of until recent years except outside of electronic or car issues (because that basically is all decision made through my brother). In recent years though, I’ve actually been able to really listen and receive advice from my siblings. They’ve provided me with comfort and safety of someone I can always rely upon. As I’ve gotten older, it seems harder to find this in others. Priorities, pride, and a bunch of other things just often get in the way of feeling like I’m truly able to rely on someone else. But with family, even though they may not always be my first choice, I have found time and time again that I can always rely upon them. And for that I am forever grateful. I doubt my siblings will read this post, but if by some chance they do, or my mother does and reiterates this part to them, I hope my siblings and parents both know I am forever grateful for the life I have been blessed with and for the bond I share with them. :) <3

the internet and advice

In recent times, I often google things that I want to find out about. I’m pretty sure a lot of people do this, since searching on the web often provides some credible sources that can shed light to problems we have without having to go through the tedious and possibly expensive process of finding a professional that could help us. Additionally, there are often memes or just picturesque images filled with sayings, advice, and quotes that often fill my Facebook stream.

Sometimes when I search or read these things, it helps bring me some peace or helps me reconfirm my own beliefs. There are times it brings better clarify to a subject I’m unfamiliar with, but ultimately when I search or read these things, I feel that I am just providing more verification to what I already decided. I think this goes back to some fundamental parts of myself, that I want to know others feel the same way that I do or experience the same troubles I am. I want to feel like I am not the only one. I want validation in my emotions or my thoughts, that it’s not whack or outrageous.Validation: something I wish I didn’t really need, but humanely I think we all seek validation from time to time. I want to know I’m not being irrational, that I’m not being too emotional driven or too crazy, that my thought process is natural or normal, that things like this often occur and aren’t signs of something much worse, or whatever it is that I want confirmation in. Validation, the feeling that you are not wrong. I don’t like to be wrong, because I always want to do right the best I can.

But ultimately, I really question how right or wrong things are. I realized at some point, that sometimes the advice I read that really resonated with me when I first read it, didn’t make as much sense later on. There were also times that I felt the words I read or advice or quote I read made absolute sense, a truth of some sort, but later felt like that wasn’t always quite the right case. It’s tough, am I finding advice that I want to hear, or ones that actually lead me down the right path? I do feel that I give myself a clear head when making important decisions so long as I’m not feeling highly emotional at the time. I don’t think most of the things or decisions I’ve made in life have been wrong, but I do feel that there are times I read advice and feel “wow, it’s so true! I do feel like this is the right path to take” and then possibly days later I question if that really is the right kind of idea to take. Ultimately, what changed wasn’t the words that were said or read, but how I felt about a situation or about life then. And maybe that’s okay. Maybe some times advice for one way is good in these circumstances or with this mindset, but not really the right path if you’re feeling a different way about it later. There is probably rarely only one “right” path, and circumstances will always cause different paths to be made.

In any case, I have some more thoughts on this idea but I feel that I am running in circles about it. So with that understanding, I end this post just to wish everyone the best of days. Hope you had a lovely weekend.

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Life changes and One Piece

Fair warning, this may be poorly organized, random, personal, slightly vague, grammatically incorrect and long.

Normally I have a song from SoundCloud available as a featured song that I really enjoyed recently. Unfortunately, the song I recently heard and really enjoyed is not available in the United States (or in my country) currently on Soundcloud, but can be accessed via Facebook videos from the actual group (how that even makes sense, I don’t know, but okay privacy laws). So I share with you this wonderful video (that was already posted on my Facebook at once so it may be redundant to some of y’all):

Above and Beyond’s The Sun and The Moon Acoustic Live

One Piece and manga

Let’s go backwards on my title and start with One Piece. As many people who know me should already know, I am an avid fan of One Piece written by Eiichiro Oda. Not only have I watched all the episodes (though not the recent ones) at least 3-4 times (this is up to about 700+ episodes having watched 3-4x), I have read and re-read most of the manga more than 5-6 times (I don’t have an exact count, but I know it’s at least that many times). Why I have dedicated so much time to reading and watching something I’ve already read is probably pretty strange to most, but simply I just love the entertainment I get from it. I have found that it is one of the best manga’s (and anime’s) written and portrayed in terms of plot and character development. However, this is also due to how incredibly slow Oda-sensei lays out his characters and scenarios. I understand its flaws (and how daunting it is to start), but I will always highly recommend it to any person who likes anime/manga. It does start slow though, so you have to give it (lots of) time.

Now, why One Piece is currently being talked about by me is simply because I recently caught up on all its current chapters. I like to binge watch and read. I don’t watch all that much anymore (and only re-watched it so many times because of past boyfriends whom I started them on it), but I like to read chapter after chapter after chapter. Once per week is simply cruel sometimes; and so what I’ve decided to do is stop reading altogether for an extended period of time and then catch up on it all. In this case, I actually went over a year without reading any One Piece and had 100+ chapters waiting for me. When school finally let out for my brief summer break (of two weeks), I caught up on all of my current manga, one of them being One Piece.

It was perfect. An arc ended and a new one began, new stories about characters began to unravel, more information about important but not main characters began to be told. It was so much and so fulfilling that I would be fine with stopping again for awhile and then catching up again (although, of course, a part of me very much wishes to read what hasn’t been published yet right away). I loved all the bits and pieces that were written. And yes, of course I’m biased, but I don’t really care. As an aside, my only small regret in all of this (by all of this I mean the whole catching up with my manga) is not having attended A-kon this year as a volunteer. Once upon a time I tried to make it a goal to be a volunteer for A-kon by 26. I am currently 26 so this year would have been the last to fulfill that goal, and sadly I was unable to complete it for various reasons (like school). It’s sad, things always find a way to get in your way of what you plan to do. Only if it’s important enough does it become your primary focus. I suppose I love to read manga and watch it occasionally, but it’s the story that attracts me; so a convention, even if it was solely about One Piece, would only do so much for me really. Any how! That was my one blurb about One Piece (and manga) which was very much unnecessary but totally part of who I am. :)

Current life updates

As for news in life, my Spring semester ended! I was able to accomplish what I had never accomplished in my undergrad before my degree and receive a 4.0 GPA this semester! I suppose I’ve just learned to study better? Or maybe the material is just more interesting to me (because it’s more focused on what I liked). Who knows, maybe both. I had a brief break of about two weeks in May and during that time I spent it at my boyfriend’s place in Dallas along with our vacation trip to Punta de Mita, Mexico (Puerto Vallarta). This was my first time going to Mexico (and my boyfriend’s first time going to this part of Mexico, as he was born and partially raised in a more northern and eastern side of Mexico?) and our first vacation together so it was quite exciting! We got delayed (our plane had technical issues that weren’t resolvable quickly so we had to wait for a different plane that landed 4 hours later to be used by us to take us there), but still despite our shortened time it was great! Some of the activities that we did included snorkeling and zip-lining. We actually got to go on the word’s second largest zip-line and also where they shot the movie Predator. It was quite a thrill and I was very glad we did it (especially for the deal we were able to get).

personal pic

Us touring and checking out the view! :)

Additionally on our trip, we visited a new resort (as part of our way to get the discount and them try to get our business) which had a beautiful view of the ocean and partial city. One side of the city is mountain and the other is a beautiful blue-green ocean. It was magical to see, and with their infinity pool that matched in color, it was truly a lovely sight.

ocean view garza blanca

The view from the place we toured. Beautiful ocean color

City view, ocean view, mountain view

Part of the city and the ocean view, you can see some of the mountainous part too.

Garza Blanca panoramic view

Panoramic view of the infinity pool and the view

For snorkeling, we kept to a bit more shallow of areas for better or for worse. We saw many fishes (including a puffer fish) and the second day we went we actually got caught up in some shallow coral reef areas that had lots of sea urchins. Unfortunately, the boyfriend slightly stepped on one (as the puncture hold was very much circular) and was unsure until the day after that you weren’t suppose to close up the hole without getting all the spikes/spindles of the sea urchin out (because they’re poisonous). He was able to reopen the wound and push out hopefully all the spindles but it did cause for a sore foot (that still somewhat continues) with foot cramps. Our package included airfare, lodging, food, and drinks, so we were able to feast and drink heartily. Surprisingly, the first night we came in I had an amazing medium rare stake. Despite living in Texas all my life (minus 4 years in Atlanta), this was one of the most amazing medium rare steaks I’d ever had. It was perfectly seasoned, perfectly cooked with a good bloody middle, and absolutely melt in your mouth wonderful. Pretty much all of the food I had while there was wonderful, and I definitely miss having it all paid for already.

medium rare steak

This. was. amazing! And surprisingly filling

Lobster and veggies

Another fine dining option I was able to enjoy. Simple yet delicious

dinner view sunset colors beautiful

The night view at dinner. Beautiful colors.

As for now, summer session has started up! One of my classes sadly was cancelled in the summer and now I must take it in the fall. This wouldn’t be a problem if it weren’t for the fact that is overlaps with another class I wanted to take. So now I can’t take the other class (which wasn’t exactly required but very much eventually is necessary and some schools do have it as a requirement) because I absolutely have to take the one that was cancelled in the summer. Fortunately, it does allow for a little more free time for my very much packed summer schedule. Including my one class that occurs three times a week for 2.5 hours, I also am working in two different research labs and also about to take on a part-time job working two days a week there. Similar to what I previously did at Brent Woodall Foundation for Exception Kids, I will be using ABA method to work with autistic children. It’s only 16 or so hours a week, but it ultimately causes me to basically have a full schedule every day with only night times for studying. Additionally, I will have to become RBT (Behavior Therapist) certified within 30 days to continue working at my new place, all of it being self-study and testing on my own. Daunting, but exciting!

My two labs are also very different but very exhilarating as well. For one, I will be compiling and exporting data in my spare time there and also running EEG and other types of brain/auditory studies. It’s definitely a lot to learn about and understand, but incredibly cool to think I would be doing this kind of research. As to my other lab, it is a little more lax in terms of scheduling, which somewhat works in my favor, and also very straightforward. The best part is that it does help in my future schooling/licensing as counting towards hours that I will need with patients for my Master’s/licensing as an SLP. I am forever grateful for having both opportunities provided to me despite many applicants. (This also goes for the job, since I definitely need to off-set all of my expenditures which has reduced my bank account significantly.)

So summer is looking freshly busy, and honestly I think it’s probably a good thing. As to why is to follow.

Life and all it’s changes

Recently I’ve experienced some changes to my life that, for me, came from no where. This isn’t my school ended/beginning summer stuff, or anything that I knew was to come. This is changes that may have somewhat subtly begun to change and then grew without understanding why. Changes will occur in life regardless of what you do. In some ways, to change is to improve, hopefully. And honestly, I can understand that the changes that occurred (or really still are) were probably necessary, or at the very least I believe it to be realistic.

I think the problem was that while I didn’t require the expectations that were set, I didn’t understand why they had changed. I did not set my expectations, I just followed with what was provided to me naturally. It became the habit, the normal flow of what usually will come. And when the habit changes, when things aren’t coming as they used to, I worry why. Why did it change? What is causing this to occur? It’s not that I can’t accept it to happen, I just need to understand why (and probably time to adjust and ease into it). But when I don’t know why and the changes keep getting more and more… Yes, of course I will become even more worried, even more insecure and even more afraid. It’s strange, I had never felt so secure and yet so insecure before. I knew that I had no reason to worry, but I couldn’t understand why changes were happening and that allowed for doubt and insecurities. I couldn’t shake the creeping thoughts that questioned “what’s going on” and couldn’t answer the unknown. It ultimately caused a drift, one that I also wasn’t fully aware of at first and one I only recently somewhat reconciled.

It was crazy, I kept seeing signs that pointed both directions. Signs that told me I needed to worry, and signs that told me I was overreacting. Even now, I still have worries about it all, but I’ve come to accept how much I can currently change and how much I can only allow time to tell. I wanted to write my own version that made perfect sense to me, that fell in line with everything I was imagining, but reality doesn’t work that way.

In my life, there are few fantasies I have of the future. One that currently has become a goal is becoming an SLP and working as one. This goal I can actively work to achieve with major direct means to achieve it. Another is to marry and raise a family. While in some ways I’m sure I can actively work to achieve this with some fairly direct means, I want love and marriage with kids, not just marriage with kids. I don’t believe marriage/kids is the ultimate goal of life, and I don’t believe you need to have those in order to have a full, successful, meaningful, and happy life. I do, however, want those. I want them, but I don’t need them. I don’t believe everyone will necessarily get those things either. Sometimes, life just works out in ways you didn’t think would happen. If I never marry, or never have kids, I’m sure I can find happiness still. However, in my fantasies as a child and even now, I still hope to accomplish such things.

I started to seriously consider these things a year or two ago. I would mostly chalk it up to age as the reason why. When I was younger, I imagined myself potentially married (or engaged) by 25. Obviously that didn’t happen as I’m past that age already, and personally I am perfectly fine with it not happening as all my previous boyfriends clearly didn’t work out for the long run. But I remember my last break up and feeling it hit me not because of it being a very deep and serious relationship that ended (though, of course, it was in its own ways), but that I had to start all over again. That I had to somehow find new people who were also single, get to know them and foster a relationship, and hopefully make a strong connection. Finding people, outside of bars and crowds I don’t usually hang at, is difficult when you’re not in school or forcibly surrounded by various functions that introduce you to new people all the time. I had never had issues with being single in my life, and honestly quite enjoyed any time I was single. But at 25 and finding myself single again, it was just a bit hard to swallow at first. To realize that I may not find the happiness I wanted to achieve as clearly I hadn’t found the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with (and vice versa). Nowadays, I’m in a committed relationship, and of course I take it quite seriously. And of course, I do have high confidence in its future. However, I suppose because I do truly want to have a family and kids, I lost sight of the fact that I can be happy without such things just as much. I began to focus too heavily on such things, things that ultimately aren’t necessary to my life. It doesn’t mean I won’t still be serious, but it does mean that I probably shouldn’t dedicate as much time as I previously had been to it all. It took some fighting, some misunderstanding and lack of understanding, and ultimately me writing down my feelings on paper, to truly be able to start to accept how life was going for me in that regard. I’m still struggling, in some ways, but I think keeping busy with other things will help me overcome those struggles. As for the potential fall back from this reality, I’m not sure. I can only hope that this is the change that is necessary for the best future me.

An aside – poetry

In my younger years I used to write a lot of poetry. Surely it was very much teen angst filled and an emotional roller coaster, however it was still very much true to my feelings at the time. I actually felt that when I was younger I was better at expressing myself in poetry than I could currently do now. Maybe because I try to not be so emotional, or I try to get over it all and “intelligently” say it. I don’t know, but in light of recent emotional turmoil, I wrote short passages that aren’t necessarily as true anymore, but were definitely true when I first thought them. I decided to share them simply because as part of my goals in this blog, I want to share myself with my future self and with an audience that may take comfort in whatever way from my post. I could easily hide my personal troubles and emotions, but I feel that it is through those that you best connect with others. Likewise, I try not to be too personal because my life events also involve others whom may not like to have their story told to random people. As it be, this is slightly contradictory and not easily remedied, but I tried my best to not be too vague and not too specific either. Hopefully it worked. Anyways! To the actual poetry (again, not my current state of being, but still nonetheless important to me):

The change came from no where
No precipitous waves to tell me what would occur
And as I reached out trying to grasp towards your hand
I felt the clear glass wall you put up in defense
While you flinched and turned from me
I couldn’t figure out why it happened that way
When the roles began to change
And in my head rang
‘Abandon all hope. Believe’

I braced myself for the impact
I steadied my heart and determination
For a brief moment, the peace enveloped me
Gently holding me in its also worn arms
But I felt the glass go up again
And once more I could no longer feel the warmth
My determination faltered
And I was left thinking
‘You should’ve known. You can’t believe’

– – – –

I didn’t write beyond this as soon afterwards I found time and wrote down my feelings in a letter (to no one). That letter helped calm my emotional uproar and bring me my current acceptance of life. It also helped me see how therapeutic writing can truly be. I highly encourage it if you find yourself stuck in a rut. If I were to continue this poem, it would probably go like this:

I whispered my memories into the sea
Silence comforted me drifting along
Whether the glass was there, I held my tongue
And let the waves rock me through, the horizon gazing down

Unfortunately, it doesn’t really align with the previous verses as well simply because it’s a different state of mind, but I tried to match it as best as I can. Hopefully it feels closing enough (and on a happier note, since that is how I currently feel). In any case, that’s all I got for today! I hope this post finds you well. Have a nice day!

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Enjoy your life :)

There’s always more than one song that I’m currently jammin’ to, and it was hard to really choose one that I wanted to put on this post because I feel like I’m really enjoying a few songs for different reasons, but I think the one I choose to “feature” as my current jam is Turn It Down [Kaskade Ice Mix] by Kaskade (this is not to be confused with the original version, which is also good! but I like the Ice Mix version more). It has one very, very well placed drop which always captivates me when I hear it. It’s just amazing, even though there are plenty of songs that have dope drops, this one is just resonating with me really well right now. And though the lyrics are a bit less flowing if considered as is, it still somewhat connects with my current life right now too. Not as much as some of the other songs (which I’ll probably mention in this post later), but somehow it does connect with my life. :) Overall, it’s just well mixed together is what I’m saying, and I really connect with it so maybe you will too. Or maybe not haha.

I started this blog yesterday and had written a bit, but somehow I often feel a disconnect from one day to the next, at least in my blog writing, which causes me to want to completely erase and start over even though all the things I wrote yesterday were still sincere and true. I guess somehow I end up feeling dissatisfied with what I wrote or how I wrote it, or because I have different thoughts the day after I just want to focus on other things. I don’t really know, but if this post seems pretty scattered or lacks flow, it might be because it’s actually two posts combined into one. Or because I’m not actually good at writing. Either one could be the case. (And maybe some other reasoning could be it too, but anyways…)

There have been a few things on my mind recently and a lot of things going on in my life. For one, I’ve just been really social. I don’t exactly know why or how things always decide to plan themselves at the same time, but it’s for real been a really busy time for me and it can’t just be because it’s summer though I’m sure that is part of the reason. The last time I didn’t do anything with anyone after work/weekend or whatever was I know at least two weeks ago, but it could have been earlier? Yeah, just been having a busy week or two meeting up with people. Fortunately, despite all the lack of sleep, I’ve been able to keep up with the social demands I put upon myself. Plus I have Thursday and Friday off from work! So I guess I get to sleep in and catch up on things that need to be taken care of around the house before my mom comes back or something. :) Well, somewhat anyways, I do already have plans both those days sort of… Anyways!

One of the thoughts that recently came through my head, one part because I read a post recently related to the topic and because it sort of became relevant in a way to my life as well as of late, is about family and how they’re always and forever basically. Not to sound extra cliche, but well… they are. I know my family members are all fairly independent. We all sort of do our own thing most of the time, and sometime we come together and hang out but generally we’re off in our own worlds, with our own friends, at our own pace doing what we want to do. Sometimes I feel bad about it, because I want to be a close family (given that I want my future family to be like that) and everything like we perhaps once were when I was much younger, but ultimately I also think it’s just not really possible for us anymore, we’re too old and we live too separate of lives. Despite living with my brother and sister for a fair amount of my life, as my brother moved back into the house after graduating from UT, my sister never really leaving except for boarding school, and I also coming back home after college, you would think that a family that still completely lived together would be together a bit more. But I remember in high school my sister didn’t realize I got a haircut until days later when she saw me at work, even though we lived together. It’s things like this which makes me realize yeah, we’re family but we are very much our own independent selves, related by blood but not necessarily close.

This, of course, is not a completely bad thing. If anything it seems sort of natural, especially as my brother now has a wife and is moved out into their own home, my parents are somewhat separated as my dad works in Taiwan (though my mom is currently still there), and what not. My sister is in a different life necessity than I am (she has two kids and is getting old d= but really), and I’m still somewhat fresh out of college, thinking about going back into school again, not sure what exactly I’m wanting to do with my life. Honestly, I have never found our independence from one another to be bad, I just found our lack of closeness to be something worth trying for more than we perhaps do. I don’t turn to my family first when I have problems, I turn to my friends and what not. Maybe most people do that? I don’t know, I always thought you would turn to your parents or lean on your siblings to give you some good advice, especially if they’re the older ones. Sure, I’d ask my brother for computer or car advice/knowledge, and I know my sister has plenty of connections and knowledge about food/alcohol and what not, but real life problems dealing with situations or friends or whatever, well I’m the baby so why they would turn to me, at least my brother, would be a bit strange, but the point remains that I just felt like the good, close, or perhaps normal family would turn to one another for advice and help. However, recently I made some mistakes and didn’t know who to turn to, and ended up confiding in my sister about it. I didn’t really know what kind of advice she would give me given her crazy relationships, but surprisingly she really gave me the right advice that made me make the right decision. It was a too late kind of decision, but still the right one given what already transpired. After that additionally we were able to kind of talk about our problems to one another a few days later as well. A long time ago, when I was young and my sister much more emotional and immature than she is now, I used to be afraid of her. Now I don’t fear her nor have I ever really felt a strong sisterly or whatever bond, but there are times when you just know you’re sisters despite the lack of closeness you normally don’t have. It’s hard to really describe, but despite the things she does that I don’t agree with and the things I wish she didn’t do or don’t appreciate that she does, I still know I’m always going to love her despite the flaws, that I’ll never give up on her, that I’ll always stand by her, even if just to criticize her actions and hope she changes them. Because I’m always going to want her to be happy and hope she causes happiness to those around her too, even if sometimes I wish she would stop putting so much stress on our mom or something. Family is some sort of invisible bond that you think doesn’t really exist, but really does if you let yourself see it. Or at least for me that’s how it is. I may never fully have the close family that I imagine and am hopeful for with my parents and siblings, but I will also never be able to leave them be or not care for them. It used to scare me if I would have such feelings (of not caring for the ones I should love), but I think I have learned that I do love them, even if I don’t necessarily feel its strength often.

As for other news and thoughts, it’s been a long past week and a half or two. I’ve been keeping fairly busy/social, meeting with people and catching up or getting to know them. It’s caused me to not have all that much me time, and as an introvert I’ll eventually have to hole myself up probably. I guess I’m still running off all that me time I got while binge-ing on TV shows for a whole week plus, and though I’m not starting to feel like I actually need to recluse myself into my home and not see anyone for a little bit, I am sort of considering it. I guess the main thing is that my almost extrovert side is coming out to play and live life. I’ve started trying to consistently rock climb, buying a month pass and hoping to go at least twice a week to make it worth the money I paid, additionally I’m putting myself out there and doing new activities, such as going on a date with someone I randomly met to a baseball game (granted it was more about the celebrities and cause as it was Dirk’s celebrity baseball game, but you get the point), and I’ve been out drinking a few more times with friends as well, something I did not frequently do. That is mostly because I keep telling myself that some of these people are leaving in a week or in two weeks or three weeks (depending what week it was that we decided to hang out) and therefore I should put the effort to see them before they leave. Yeah, that keeps me motivated to go out and do it even if I’m not keen on drinking that night. Or if it’s someone’s birthday celebration, or if I ditched them once already, or if I just want to see/hang out with someone. At the same time I’m also trying to take care of things, going car shopping with my brother, rock climbing acting both as a social activity as well as a work out, etc. It’s caused me to have a few less than healthy sleeping nights as well as a somewhat unsteady sleep schedule, but I don’t know, I guess at the moment I wouldn’t really trade it in to be a complete homebody again. Not saying I don’t want my homebody time or my sleep time, goodness I do want those things, but I also am still willing to sacrifice them if someone asks me to hang out more than likely. I guess my thought is, I’m just living what life gives me? And I could just keep to myself, but I feel as though life is more than just me so I should interact with others when I can. I’ll get to be with just myself plenty somewhere down the path eventually.

Other news… I’m not really sure how it happened, maybe because I upped my exercise activities or the frequency that I do it? Either way, my appetite has recently decreased to a somewhat sad level. I mostly eat about one and a half meals a day. I mean in one part it occurred because I wanted to cut down on my food expenses per month, so I tried to not buy out lunch as much, but also because I didn’t prepare food the night before or before I left for work, I just didn’t bring lunch and thus didn’t bother to eat. Instead I’d eat something while here that could possibly pass more for the breakfast I also skipped, like a bowl of cereal or something. This goes for weekends too though, when I’m at home. Even if I wake up in time for lunch or dinner (which actually, I generally have), I don’t really bother to eat until mid afternoon or evening… I’m not trying to be anorexic or anything, I am trying to decrease my eating but not to the point that I only eat one meal a day. And yeah, I guess I don’t completely see it as a problem yet thus I’m not forcing myself to also eat lunch since I still try to eat healthy and some proper nutrients every day. Because I don’t really see it as a big deal yet, it’s not causing me to actually be unhealthy, and most importantly because I don’t have motivation to actually eat more than I currently am, I choose not to. Sometimes my stomach will maybe feel empty? Well no, not even that. My stomach doesn’t even necessarily feel hungry to me, I don’t get hunger pains. I can tell that it’s empty, but I don’t feel it as empty or feel any sort of pain of not having eaten (this occurred from the get go, not something that has developed as I cut down my food consumption). At least not all or perhaps not even most of the time. And then I don’t feel a want to do the action of eating, which is often what used to cause me to snack a lot. This is the serious root of my lack of motivation. I don’t feel like wanting to eat, so I won’t. And I’m okay with that, even if I do sometimes feel a slight tinge of “hey, feed me” coming from my stomach. I can ignore it because I feel “eh, I don’t really want to put food in my mouth, that doesn’t really sound like something I want to do” or whatever. Right now, out of duty to being healthy and knowing that I need to eat more, I attempt to at least eat some sort of breakfast or a little more. I don’t have enough motivation to eat lunch especially when I have to go out and buy it (though craving something might cause me to go buy it, as I’ve recently been craving Cane’s), but I do at least make sure I eat a real meal one a day. And hopefully some fruit and some vegetables. Usually those are actually included somewhere… I’ve been pretty decent at making sure that happens, especially if I’m the one preparing it. If I’m not and I’m out eating, it becomes a little more difficult to plan for since I’ll want to eat particular things that may not always have those things included. Oh well, it’s helping me lower my weight. Or well, I don’t know if my weight is really lowering anymore, but my body fast has lowered by a few percent now, which is actually more preferable since my weight mostly went up due to muscle. I do wish I were a bit slimmer in certain areas, but given that I’m rock climbing and not actually concentrating on where I want slimmer or more toned, I’m not sure that I’ll necessarily get the results I would hope to get. And that makes sense, since I’m not actually trying to make those areas slimmer through my exercising. My only concern with this is that once I do start eating two meals again, am I just going to gain all that weight back or something since I either became used to not eating it or something? It’s one of the sort of criticisms I think about for diet plans. Unless you plan to stick with it forever or completely cut out certain foods in your life for good, more than likely if you go back to those foods you’ll regain back the weight you lost I feel like. I mean of course it’s not guaranteed, and sometimes it was more about controlling the amount you ate of those foods, and perhaps if you upped your exercise and returned to eating them it would counter each other, but just cutting certain foods outs without doing so for the long haul only seems like a temporary fitness. Will me not eating as many as normally should be meals be the same? I’m not sure yet, I think I could probably transfer it to a healthier eating habit, consistently work out, and be okay until my metabolism has significantly failed me when I’m super old, but who knows. I guess time will tell, until then though I’m gonna do what I want. I miss eating everything though. I don’t oppose eating unhealthy things, I just don’t really get undesirable cravings for them anymore. Like soda.

Anyhow, I think I ended up cutting out most all all the stuff I wrote yesterday. It was somewhat related to things I said above, but perhaps with more or less detail or perhaps with a different focus. I guess this is the focus I want to take away with for today, and since I’d rather finish now then have to rewrite again later, I’ll end this with one last part that was a part of yesterday’s initial post.

Crazy Beautiful Life

Okay, so I’m not a Ke$ha fan, both for music and for the person based on her reputation, but I actually really like her Crazy Beautiful Life song. I’ll admit, it’s not super amazing or meaningful in lyrics or music; it doesn’t blow my mind away and when I listen to it I don’t actually agree with her intentions of the lyrics she provided kinda. It is, however, catchy, and the overarching general idea it sends is something I can resonate well with, at least right now. Mostly I see it as “live life and enjoy it for all its ups and downs.” Enjoy life, even though her version of enjoying life doesn’t actually match up to my version, the message is still there, and in my current mental state I guess I’m just trying to enjoy what life gives me. Eventually I’ll have to start focusing on particular things life provides me and closing some doors in order to really foster and develop them into something even more amazing further, but at the moment I’m exploring, I’m see what’s out there and I’m just trying things out. Like I said, I don’t agree with the actual lyrics completely, but I do believe that life should be lived for with what it has and meaning should be found in the activities that you decide to do. Whether those activities she talks about in the songs constitutes as “real” or meaningful to me, well it doesn’t but regardless the overall idea I still resonate with. :) One thing also I feel like I must add: to me she has a terribly dirty girl reputation, but maybe because I don’t really listen or pay attention to famous people gossip, I don’t actually know of many or any dramatic occurrences from her. I don’t really hear about all the guys she’s dated or hooked up with, or anything. Maybe because she already gave herself that reputation, or ’cause I live under a rock in terms of that kind of gossip, or because she doesn’t actually do any of it? No idea, but I guess my bias towards her is just based purely on her lyrics/reputation. Oops haha.

Anyhow, enjoy life guys. You only get one, and time never does move backwards. :)

/end.

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